The Magic of Christmas ~ Day 19

Last night we headed in to bed at the usual time. I was tired yet when I laid my head on my pillow, my eyes just would not close. I finally got up and wandered out to the living room and thought I would watch a little TV.

For some reason I didn't turn on the TV, instead I sat and looked at my beautiful Christmas tree all decked out in snowmen. I couldn't help but smile a little. I love sitting in the quiet looking at the Christmas cheer all around.

Of course my mind started wandering as it sometimes  always does. I started thinking of Christmas' past. So many beautiful, magical wondrous Christmas'......*sigh*

I know I have said this year has been tough for me in so many ways. There are people that have been part of my life for a very, very long time and, are not there now. I miss them more than I ever thought was possible. I was expecting to be a bit depressed and sad but for whatever reason I have been happier then I've been in YEARS!!

As I sat on the couch gazing at my beautiful tree and remembering past Christmas', tears started rolling down my cheeks. I realized that maybe I have just been trying to convince myself that all was right in the world. Maybe I was forcing the smiles and laughter and cheerfulness. Maybe I have just been fooling myself into believing in all this Magic of Christmas crap. Maybe....

Finally I got up from the couch where I had sat gazing at my beautiful Christmas tree and for the first time since I put that tree up I walked over and unplugged the lights. I sat back down on the couch and pulled my knees up...There seemed to be a sudden chill in the air around me, so I pulled a blanket up around my shoulders and laid my head on one of the throw pillows. I had a really good cry. I cried for all the heartache and struggles that many families are going through. I cried for those that can't be with their family this Christmas, I cried because I miss my mom and dad. I cried for all the other loved ones that I miss and finally I cried when I realized that all this was getting me NO WHERE!

Then I prayed

I got up, plugged the tree back in, went to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. When I looked in the mirror it was like I was getting a good hard look at ME. I can't change the past but I can learn from it.

The warmth seeped back into those deep dark spaces and I again felt the peace and love of the season wash over me. I realized that the wonderful warmth and happiness I have been feeling is absolutely real. I am at peace with my life and there is magic all around me. The smile came back and the joy returned.

This was my Grinch moment and it was only a moment. It has now passed and I am again looking at all the miracles I have seen happen in my life. I have hope in my heart that my Christmas Miracle wish will come true. I don't really care about the gifts...my wish is for so much more.... The only thing I want is the only thing that REALLY matters anyway! (and c'mon....you all know what really matters right?)

I'm sorry to pour out my heart to you and reveal my Grinch moment. I know this series is "The magic of Christmas" and you might wonder how this somewhat depressing post has anything to do with that....I assure you it does...It was a magical moment when I looked good and hard at myself and realized that my heart is truly full of Peace, Love, Joy and Happiness.

Do any of you find yourselves having a Grinch moment from time to time?....WHEW!! I'm glad mine only lasted a moment and that I was alone....What a cry baby I was!! LOL

My wish for you today is that you will finish up the Holiday Season with ZERO Grinch moments....and that your Christmas Miracle wish comes true! Sending love and warm wishes your way today!