Total Joy!!

I have been enjoying every minute spent with my family for the past week and a half. Having all of us under one roof has been chaotic at times but I LOVE this kind of chaos! Hearing my two sweet 3 year old grandsons running through the house ...laughing & playing together is the greatest sound EVER!

Now and then I wish it were just a little quieter and calm but still I can't help but smile.  

It has been about 3 years since we were all living under one roof and I had finally adjusted to the empty nest. I had even begun to love my quiet and simple routine. I'm sure it won't be as hard for me to adjust to that again but for now...... 

BRING ON THE CHAOS that comes along with the two little boys that light up my life!!

Hope you have a wonderful day full of LOVE!



Day 10

LOVE DARE ~ DAY 10

Love is Unconditional

Today’s Dare

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse --- something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

If someone were to ask you, “Why do you love your wife?” or “Why do you love your husband?” – what would you say?

Most men would mention their wife’s beauty, her sense of humor, her kindness, her inner strength. They might talk about her cooking, her knack for decorating, or what a good mother she is.

Women would probably say something about their husband’s good looks or his personality. They’d commend him for his steadiness and consistent character. They’d say they love him because he’s always there for them. He’s generous. He’s helpful.

But what if over the course of years, your wife or husband stopped being every one of those things. Would you still love them? Based on your answers above, the only logical response would be “no.” If your reasons for loving your spouse all have something to do with his or her qualities – and then those same qualities suddenly or gradually disappear – your basis for love is over.

The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.

The Bible refers to this kind of love by using the Greek word agape.

It differs from the other types of love, which are – phileo (friendship) and eros (sexual love). Both friendship and sex have an important place in marriage, of course, and are definitely part of the house you build together as husband and wife. But if your marriage totally depends on having common interests or enjoying a healthy sex life, then the foundation of your relationship is unstable.

Phileo and eros are more responsive in nature and can fluctuate based upon feelings. Agape love, on the other hand, is selfless and unconditional. So unless this kind of love forms the foundation of your marriage, the wear and tear of time will destroy it. Agape love is in “sickness and health” love, “for richer or poorer” love, “for better or worse” love. It is the only kind of love that is true love.

That’s because this is God’s kind of love. If a man says to his wife, “I have fallen out of love with you,” he is actually saying, “I never loved you unconditionally to begin with.” His love was based on feelings or circumstances rather than commitment. That’s the result of building a marriage on phileo or eros love. There must be a stronger foundation than mere friendship or sexual attraction. Unconditional love, agape love, will not be swayed by time or circumstance.

That’s not to say, though, that love which began for the wrong reasons cannot be restored and redeemed. In fact, when you rebuild your marriage with agape as its foundation, then the friendship and romantic aspects of your love become more endearing than ever before. When your enjoyment of each other as best friends and lovers is based on unwavering commitment, you will experience an intimacy that cannot be achieved any other way.

But you will struggle and fail to attain this kind of marriage unless you allow God to begin growing His love within you. Love that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7) does not come from within. It can only come from God. You will no longer say, “I love you because …” You will now say, “I love you, period.”

Day 9

LOVE DARE ~ DAY 9

Love Makes Good Impressions

Today’s Dare

Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

Greet one another with a kiss of love. – 1 Peter 5:14

We’ve covered some serous ground so far in this journey. Learning to demonstrate aspects of love patience, kindness, and encouragement are not always easy but are certainly crucial to a healthy relationship. So dealing with the way you greet your spouse each day may seem inconsequential, but this small issue carries surprising significance.

You can tell a lot about the state of a couple’s relationship from the way they greet one another. You can see it in their expression, as well as how they speak to each other. It is even more obvious by their physical contact. But how much importance should you give a greeting?

The Bible has more to say about greetings than you might expect. The apostle Paul took time to encourage his readers to greet one another warmly when they met.

This raises an interesting question. How do you greet your friends, coworkers, and neighbors? How about acquaintances and those you meet in public?

You may even encounter someone you don’t necessarily like yet still acknowledge them out of courtesy. So if you’re this nice and polite to other people, doesn’t your spouse deserve the same? Times ten?

It’s probably something you don’t think about very often – the first thing you say to him or to her when you wake up in the morning, the look on your face when you get in the car, the energy in your voice when you speak on the telephone. But here’s something else you probably don’t stop to consider – the difference it would make in your spouse’s day if everything about you expressed the fact that you were really, really glad to see them.

When someone communicates that they are glad to see you, your personal sense of self-worth increases. You feel more important and valued. That’s because a good greeting sets the stage for positive and healthy interaction. Like love, it puts wind in your sails.

What kind of greetings would make your mate feel loved? How could you excite his or her various senses with a simple word, a touch, a tone of voice? A loving greeting can bless your spouse through what they see, hear, and feel.

Think of the opportunities you have to greet each other on a regular basis. When coming through the door. When meeting for lunch. When saying good-night. When talking on the phone.

It doesn’t have to be bold and dramatic every time. But adding warmth and enthusiasm gives you the chance to touch your mate’s heart in subtle, unspoken ways.

Think about your greeting. Do you use it well? Does your spouse feel valued and appreciated? Do they feel loved? Even when you’re not getting along too well, you can lessen the tension and give them value by the way you greet them.

Remember, love is a choice. So choose to change your greeting. Choose love.

Day 8

LOVE DARE ~ DAY 8

 

Love is Not Jealous

Today’s Dare

Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

Jealousy is one of the strongest drives known to man. It comes from the root word for zeal and means “to burn with an intense fire.” Scripture pointedly says, “Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood, but who can stand before jealousy?” (Proverbs 27:4).

There are actually two forms: a legitimate jealousy based upon love, and an illegitimate jealousy based upon envy.

Legitimate jealousy sparks when someone you love turns his or her heart away and replaces you with someone else. The Bible describes God as having this kind of righteous jealousy for His people. It’s not that He is envious of us. It’s that He deeply longs for us, desiring for us to keep Him as our first love. He doesn’t want us to let anything take precedence over Him in our hearts. The Bible warns us not to worship anything but Him because “the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God” (Deuteronomy 4:24).

Illegitimate kind of jealousy that is in opposition to love – the one that is rooted in selfishness. This is to be jealous of someone, to be “moved with envy.”

Do you struggle with being jealous of others? Your friend is more popular, so feel hatred towards her. Your coworker gets the promotion, so you can’t sleep that night. He may have done nothing wrong, but you became bitter because of his success. It has been said that people are fine with our succeeding, just as long as it is not more than theirs.

Jealousy is a common struggle. It is sparked when someone else upstages you and gets something you want. This can be very painful depending upon how selfish you are. Instead of congratulating them, you fume in anger and think ill of them. If you’re not careful, jealousy slithers like a viper into your heart and strikes your motivations and relationships. It can poison you from living the life of love God intended.

You don’t usually get jealous of disconnected strangers. The ones you’re jealous of are primarily in the same arena with you. They work in your office, play in your league, run in your circles … or live in your house. Yes, if you aren’t careful, jealousy can also infect your marriage.

When you were married, you were given the role of becoming your spouse’s biggest cheerleader and the captain of his or her fan club. Both of you become one and were to share in the enjoyment of the other. But if selfishness rules, any good thing happening to only one of you can be a cause for envy rather than congratulations.

Because love is not selfish and puts others first, it refuses to let jealousy in. It leads you to celebrate the successes of your spouse rather than resenting them. A loving husband doesn’t mind his wife being better at something, having more fun, or getting more applause. He sees her as completing him, not competing with him.

It’s time to let your mate’s successes draw you closer together and give you greater opportunities to show genuine love.

Me Oh My Oh!!

I couldn't let the day go by without wishing my baby girl a BIG Ole' HaPpY BiRtHDaY!!!

22 years ago I held my youngest daughter in my arms for the first time. I was so nervous even though I had already had two. She was just so, so small and so perfect.

I Love you Carson Diane and I hope you know how proud I am of the woman you have become. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET BABY GIRL!

Day 7

LOVE DARE ~ DAY 7

Love Believes the Best

Today's dare, get 2 sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point today pick a positive attribute from the list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic. (ask your self which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts? What attribute did you thank your spouse for having?)

The further I go in this the more I feel like I am not the wife I thought I was. I would have told you all that I am crazy in love with the greatest man EVER! I am, but my actions don’t line up with the words my mouth delivers. It is real easy to say the things we want others to believe and even ourselves. Now don’t get me wrong, I love Barney with all my heart and soul and we do a lot of what this book is teaching on the positive aspects but, I'm realizing I don't show that love the way I thought I did. I am excited to see what happens when I choose to take it to the next level.

So this part of the book starts out with talking about a small room deep inside your heart. This room is called the appreciation room, we go there every so often and enjoying visiting that special place. On the walls are all the great and wonderful attributes of our spouse. Most things were written on these walls when we first met. For me some of the things written on the walls say: Smart, loving, sensitive, (really, really) cute, honest, giving- you get the idea the list truly goes on and on.

Now, deeper down in your heart in a dark corridor of your heart lies the depreciation room. Unfortunately we visit there as well. (I do this) As you probably guessed on these walls are things written that irritate and bother you about your honey. These things are out there due to frustration, hurt feelings and disappointments. The room is lined with weakness and failures of your spouse. If you stay there long enough you will start saying things like “my husband is so selfish” or “I think I married the wrong person”. Staying in this room WILL kill your marriage. Even if you feel that things in this room are true, so are the things in the appreciation room. (how’s that for a reality check)

So, we all need to settle down and take up residency in the appreciation room! Meditate on the positives about your spouse, and we will learn that there are even more wonderful qualities that can be written on the walls. The choice to explore the positives in your marriage starts with you. You need to make a habit of reining in your negative thoughts and focus on the positive ones. It is a decision you make whether they deserve it or not.

Day 6

 LOVE DARE ~ DAY 6

Love is not irritable

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive. How easily do you get irritated and offended? People who are irritable are locked, loaded and ready to overreact. If you are walking under the influence of love , you will be a joy not a jerk. Ask your self am I a calming breeze or a storm waiting to happen. I think I'm somewhere in between. It says that people become irritable for 2 key reasons. Stress and selfishness, these motivations can never be satisfied. But when love enters your heart, it calms you down and inspires you to quit focusing on yourself. Love will lead you to forgive instead of holding a grudge. To be grateful instead of greedy. To be content rather than rushing into more debt. Love encourages you to be happy when others succeed and not be envious. (I'm kinda guilty on that one) ohhhh this ones good. Love reminds you to prioritize your family rather than sacrifice them for your work. In each decision, love ultimately lowers your stress and helps you release the venom that can build up inside. It then sets up your heart to respond to your spouse with patience and encouragement rather than anger and exasperation.

I know this one is going to be hard for me. According to the movie  it will get easier! Soon I hope

DAY 5

LOVE DARE ~ DAY 5

Love is not Rude

 prov.27:14

Ask your spouse to tell you 3 things that cause him/her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from there perspective only. (then try to improve in those areas)

Oh how we all dislike to be treated rudely! We all talk about how others are rude and yet some how we all fail to see it in our selves. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around. If you don’t let love motivate you to make needed changes in your behavior, the quality of your marriage relationship will suffer for it. The book says that there are two main reasons why people are rude: ignorance and selfishness OUCH!

Test yourself with these questions:

How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them?

How does your behavior affect your mate’s sense of worth and self-esteem?

Would your spouse say you’re a blessing, or that your condescending and embarrassing?

If you’re thinking that your spouse, not you- is the one who needs work in this area, you are likely suffering from a bad case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of selfishness. Don’t forget these three important principals in your marriage: Guard the golden rule- treat your mate as you want to be treated. (luke 6:31) No double standards: Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and friends. Honor requests: Consider what your spouse has asked you to do or not do.

Day 4

LOVE DARE ~ DAY 4

Love is Thoughtful

"CONTACT YOUR SPOUSE SOMETIME DURING THE BUSINESS OF THE DAY. HAVE NO AGENDA OTHER THAN ASKING HOW HE OR SHE IS DOING AND IF THERE IS ANYTHING YOU COULD DO FOR THEM."

Remember when you first met your spouse? You could not stop thinking about him! You wondered what he was doing, reminisced about the previous time spent together, even laughed at their jokes! Socks on the floor? "No big deal" Then... the signing of the notorious marriage license. Not so funny anymore.

Life got busy - work, kids, romance sizzled out along with a few unmet needs and expectations. You've been disappointed, hurt, and possibly angry! Time to make them pay, right? Not so fast (the patience thing). Love requires thoughtfulness - yes, even when undeserved. Love calls us to meet in the middle, respect, appreciate, and help our spouse. Remember that there is something special about him that drew you in and made you fall hopelessly in love with him. Communicate your concerns, forgive the past, focus on good thoughts today. Today's thoughts can affect tomorrow's outcome.

"How precious also are Your thoughts to me... How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand." (Psalm 139:18).

Day 3

How are things going? I am finding that this is not as easy as I thought it would be. It truly takes a conscious effort to follow through sometimes.
GOOD LUCK TODAY!!

LOVE DARE ~ DAY 3

Love is not selfish

Buy something for your spouse that says "I was thinking about you today."

If you can't go buy something, I would suggest doing something for them or making something special for them.

~Thoughts about this dare~

This is a difficult one, it is in our human nature to put our self above others. However, "loving couples are bent on taking good care of the other flawed human they get to share life with.... When you relinquish your rights for the sake of your mate, you get a chance to lose yourself to the greater purpose of marriage." Concern for the welfare of your spouse is born out of your love for each other. Because you love your spouse, you find joy in sacrificing your selfishness for your spouse's happiness and well-being. 

Day 2

LOVE DARE ~ DAY 2

Love is Kind

 In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

I like how this dare builds on the first. It just adds another dimension to our actions toward our spouse

~Something to think about~
“Love makes you kind. And kindness makes you likeable.” 
This is a great quote. We need to be likeable to our spouses. I know that my sweet Hubby loves me, but I want him to like me as well. And being kind is the key to being likeable. Kindness encompasses gentleness, helpfulness, willingness, and initiative. We need to display all four of these attributes toward our spouses.

The authors of this great book stress here that love is not just based on feelings. “Love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness.”

As children we are taught to be kind to others. Learning this ability at a young age helps us to learn that we cannot be selfish in our actions toward others. The selfish child soon learns that no one wants to play with him because he will not share his toys.

Likewise, if we are selfish in our marriages, we will soon discover that we cannot give and receive love.

DAY 1

LOVE DARE ~ DAY 1

Love is patient

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient,The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart.
For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.

~A few things to consider~

bearing with one another in love. —Ephesians 4:2 NIV

Love works. It is life’s most powerful motivator and has far greater depth and meaning than most people realize. It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. We are born with a lifelong thirst for love. Our hearts desperately need it like our lungs need oxygen. Love changes our motivation for living. Relationships become meaningful with it. No marriage is successful without it.

Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative situation. Patience brings an internal calm during an external storm. No one likes to be around an impatient person. It causes you to overreact in angry, foolish, and regrettable ways. The irony of anger toward a wrongful action is that it spawns new wrongs of its own. Anger almost never makes things better. In fact, it usually generates additional problems. But patience stops problems in their tracks. More than biting your lip, more than clapping a hand over your mouth, patience is a deep breath. It clears the air. It stops foolishness from whipping its scorpion tail all over the room. It is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you, and shows discretion instead of returning evil for evil.

 Patience is where love meets wisdom. And every marriage needs that combination to stay healthy.

Few of us do patience very well, and none of us do it naturally. But wise men and women will pursue it as an essential ingredient to their marriage relationships. That’s a good starting point to demonstrate true love.

This Love Dare journey is a process, and the first thing you must resolve to possess is patience. Think of it as a marathon, not a sprint. But it’s a race worth running

~GOOD LUCK TODAY~